Caught

Have you ever been caught?

Maybe it’s between two worldviews, two ideologies. You have what you’ve been told from birth, the things that you assumed and consciously or subconsciously declared as truth because that’s all you knew to do. Then you have what everyone else screams at you, whether it’s in harmony with or against the basic understanding of truth that you had.

Or maybe you’ve been caught between two realities? Between a past experience and a current one, a past understanding and a new revelation, a past security and a promisingly uncertain future?

Friend, let me be honest, I’m right there right now.

And our first instinct as the solution-focused creatures we are is to reconcile the two ‘things’ that seem to fragment our already complex identities. We long to simplify, to work through; to reach a conclusion, wrap up the box, tie a bow and say we solved a life mystery.

But what if that wasn’t our goal? What if there is something inherently and uniquely human about difference? What if these irreconcilable parts of us are just a stepping stone to understanding something deeper and more meaningful about ourselves, our world, and our faith? What if, in seeking ‘the’ solutions, we miss out on a chance to face ourselves and work through the struggles or insecurities that we would rather ignore?

Our understanding of the world shapes us. But that understanding is forever changing and morphing as we live and experience the world around us. If we fail to recognize these changes for what they are and reorient ourselves to our real intentions and purpose, we deny ourselves the privilege of living in the reality of the present, in the reality of who I am today, not who I was yesterday.

On the other hand, if I fail to recognize the grounding forces and experiences of my past and the core values that have and continue to lead me, I’m denying my identity at its core. And in that way, I’m still living a non-existent reality.

Friends, life is not about having the answers. It’s about letting the answer come to you. And that can only happen when you look at the irreconcilable difference for what it is.

Yes, insecurities are unsettling, even painful. But how much more do I risk losing in refusing to see and be fully myself, insecurities and all? ‘Being’ in the sense that I am comfortable in who I am and in who I am becoming. Insecurities don’t define me any more than my strengths. My worth is constant, and my frustrations on my path to self-discovery can’t change that.

Let’s be honest with ourselves about two truths - #1: Yes, I’m imperfect. I don’t know everything. I haven’t figured it all out. And #2 I am worth everything and more. Nothing and no one - not even me - can change that.

With that understanding, looking at differences and insecurities in the eye won’t be so difficult. Because we know who we are and what we’re worth, and nothing - nothing - will ever change that. Don’t let the differences and insecurities steal your joy - let them take your hand and lead you to a place of self-understanding; a place that can only lead to joy upon joy.

Joyfully yours,

Bel